The Essence of Success

We begin with the loss of Philly’s own “TP.” Teddy Pendergrass has passed away at the age of 58. A life-long resident of the city and an international sensation, Teddy came to prominence as the lead singer of Harold Melvin & The Bluenotes. They signed with Gamble and Huff on Philadelphia International Records in 1971. They had a string of hits with If You Don’t Know Me By Now, The Love I Lost, Bad Luck and Wake Up Everybody. Pendergrass left the Bluenotes and went on to a solo career with the hits Love TKO, Come Go With Me and Close The Door. Although a 1982 car crash left Pendergrass paralyzed, he continued recording and had a hits with You’re My Choice Tonight, Joy and Hold Me, a hit duet with Whitney Houston. In the last years of his life, Pendergrass created The Teddy Pendergrass Alliance, a non-profit advocacy organization for those living with spinal cord injuries. Pendergrass’ record-breaking album sales and concerts set the standard for most of today’s hottest artists. The world will miss the legendary “Teddy Bear.”

Comments made in the year 1955!
That’s only 54 years ago!

‘I’ll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it’s going to be impossible to buy a week’s groceries for $10.00.

‘Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won’t be long before $1, 000.00 will only buy a used one.

‘If cigarettes keep going up in price, I’m going to quit. 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.

‘Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter

‘If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

‘When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon. Guess we’d be better off leaving the car in the garage.

‘I’m afraid to send my kids to the movies any more Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.

‘I read the other day where some scientist thinks it’s possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas .

‘Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn’t surprise me if someday they’ll be making more than the President.

‘I never thought I’d see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They are even making electric typewriters now.

‘It’s too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.

‘It won’t be long before young couples are going to have to hire someone to watch their kids so they can both work.

‘I’m afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

‘Thank goodness I won’t live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.

‘The drive-in restaurant is convenient in nice weather, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

‘There is no sense going on short trips anymore for a weekend, it costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.

‘No one can afford to be sick anymore, at $15.00 a day in the hospital, it’s too rich for my blood.’

‘If they think I’ll pay 30 cents for a hair cut, forget it.’

So what’s the “official” word on Rihanna and Los Angeles Dodgers star Matt Kemp? A rep for the athlete has gone on record, using the term “fun” to explain their relationship.

“They’ve only had a few opportunities to be together, but those times have been fun,” said Kemp’s agent Dave Stewart, according to People.com.

Rumors about the couple first circulated after they were spotted traveling back from the singer’s New Year’s Eve concert in the United Arab Emirates.

Rihanna was then photographed kissing – and having her buttocks grabbed (see photo) – by the 25-year-old baseball star during a romantic vacation in the Mexican resort of Cabo San Lucas.

The Internet was flooded yesterday with footage of a tipsy Mariah Carey accepting her Breakthrough Actress award at the Palm Springs International Film Festival Tuesday night.
Rewarded for her performance in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire,” the diva teetered to the stage in a skin-tight, black-beaded full-length Herve Leger gown and gave a long, rambling speech.

After hesitating for a few seconds, she looked to the ceiling, sighed and said, “Please forgive me, because I’m a little bit, um …” An audience member finished the sentence for her with an obscenity, to which Carey replied, “Yeah!” adding a long, hearty laugh. “Oooooooh, my goodness!” she bellowed.

Flanked by her presenter, “Precious” director Lee Daniels, Mariah continued to ramble on about the first time she read “Push,” meeting author Sapphire, and about meeting one of the night’s other honorees, Academy Award-winner Helen Mirren, whom Daniels said turned down the “Precious” role.

In the midst of praising Daniels’ work, Carey spontaneously burst into applause. “Sorry,” she told Daniels. “Sometimes I get a little …” Carey then stopped cold to snap her fingers, then added “… you know, difficult.” And then she giggled again.

Carey then tried to explain how Daniels directed her to play the part, but couldn’t come up with the words. She motioned to her face and said, “What do you call it?” When Daniels said he told her to remove her makeup, she said, “You could take my makeup off and I don’t look like that (expletive) from the thing,” referring to her “Precious” character. “Oh, God,” Daniels moaned, turning away from Carey.

A full minute before Carey and Daniels finally left the stage, the audience had begun to applaud them off. “I thank you all for all listening to my little spiel,” Carey said, wearily, “and God bless you.”

In an interview with Latina magazine, Jennifer Lopez says she felt robbed of an Oscar nomination for her role opposite husband Marc Anthony in the 2006 film “El Cantante.”
The actress blames academy voters for not making the effort to watch her performance as salsa star Hector Lavoe’s wife, Puchi.

“I feel like I had that (Oscar role) in ‘El Cantante,’ but I don’t even think the Academy members saw it. I feel like it’s their responsibility to do that, to see everything that’s out there, everything that could be great,” she says.

Lopez admits she would have loved to have accepted her first Oscar from a hospital bed after just giving birth to her twins, Max and Emme.

She adds, “I had just given birth on the 22nd (February), and the Oscars, I think, were a day or two later. I was sitting there with my twins (and) I couldn’t have been happier, but I was like, ‘How dope would it have been if I would’ve won the Oscar and been here in my hospital bed accepting the award?’ — ‘Thank you so much! I just want to thank the Academy!’”

And she still has her sights on an Oscar: “Things will happen when they’re supposed to happen. I have the utmost faith and no doubt that it will (happen) one day.”

UGLY FROG

An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company. So, off to the pet shop she went. She searched and searched. None of the pets seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog. As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her.

He whispered,’I'M SO LONELY, TOO. BUY ME AND TAKE ME HOME. YOU WON’T EVER BE SORRY.’

The old lady figured, what the heck! She hadn’t found anything else. So, she bought the frog. She placed him in the car, on the front seat beside her. As she was slowly driving down the road, the frog whispered to her ‘KISS ME AND YOU WON’T BE SORRY.’!

So! The old lady figured, WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.

IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, young, handsome prince

THE PRINCE THEN RETURNED THE OLD LADY’S KISS.

SUDDENLY THE OLD LADY FELT HERSELF TRANSFORMING FROM HIS KISS. NOW CAN YOU GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO?

COME ON GUESS!

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SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST HOLIDAY INN SHE COULD FIND!!!

She’s old…… NOT DEAD !!!!!
OLD LADIES ROCK

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning…. Uphill…. barefoot… BOTH ways Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they’ve got it!

But now that…. I’m over the ripe old age of thirty, I can’t help but look around and notice the youth of today.

You’ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!

And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don’t know how good you’ve got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn’t have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter – with a pen!

Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take, like, a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn’t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3′ s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We’d play our favorite tape and “eject” it when finished and the tape would come undone. Cause – that’s how we rolled, dig?

We didn’t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that’s it!

And we didn’t have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn’t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn’t have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like ‘Space Invaders’ and ‘Asteroids’. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen…. forever!
And you could never win… The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel! NO REMOTES!!!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I’m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn’t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

That’s exactly what I’m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled. You guys wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,
The Over 30 Crowd

The Italian Lover
A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Luigi was relaxing at his favorite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman.
Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.
After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, “So, you finish?”
She paused for a second, frowned,and replied, “No.”
Surprised, Luigi reached for her again and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.
The sex finally ends and Luigi smiles and asks, “You finish?”
Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, “No.”
Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Luigi reaches for the woman yet again.Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.
Exhausted, Luigi falls onto his back, gasping and barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, “You finish?”
Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, “No, I Norwegian”.

Random Thoughts for the Day:

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten- page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this–ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than “K”!