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First Lady Michelle Obama is coming to the Nickelodeon network. The First Lady will be appearing in the January 16th episode of iCarly.
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Which piece of advice will most likely cheer up a clinically depressed person?A. “Pull yourself together.”
B. “Look on the bright side.”
C. “Don’t worry. It’s nothing serious.”
The answer: None of the above. Such statements probably will make a depressed mate or friend feel worse.
That’s because depression – an illness characterized by extreme sadness, changes in sleep patterns, appetite, energy level or mental focus – is a touchy subject and difficult to talk about.
Unlike high blood pressure or other health conditions, “there’s unnecessary stigma attached to depression,” says Richard Shadick, Ph.D., director of the counseling center at Pace University in New York. “Some people still view it as a sign of weakness.”
And that makes for awkward conversations on both sides. But talking about depression easily and openly isn’t impossible. With some forethought, you can find the right words to help ease depression’s pain.
Here are 9 statements to skip, and the right way to start a dialogue.
Depression is a miserable experience; no one would choose to have it, says psychologist Shosana Bennett, Ph.D., author of Pregnant on Prozac and a postpartum depression survivor.
If depressed people “could snap out of it, [they] would’ve done so,” she says.People with depression can’t will away the illness any more than they could asthma or diabetes. Like those other conditions, depression has a biological basis.
Imaging studies show that the parts of the brain that regulate mood, thinking, sleep and appetite function abnormally in people with depression. Key mood-regulating brain chemicals, such as serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine, are unbalanced as well.
Some people won’t see a doctor for depression but will agree to a visit for specific symptoms – such as insomnia, loss of appetite or constant fatigue, says Julie Totten, president and founder of Families for Depression Awareness.2. “Just think positive.”
People with depression often perceive themselves and the world in an overly negative light. They’re incapable of seeing the bright side of a situation.
“It’s like you’re wearing these foggy, distorted lenses, which filter out all positive input from the environment,” Bennett says.
When she was depressed, she literally saw the world in drab gray shades, she says.
Implying that recovery should be quick and easy may leave them feeling more discouraged than ever.
Better to say: “We’ll get through this.” This lets the depressed person know the world won’t always seem so dark and hopeless. At the same time, the statement acknowledges that recovery is a process.
Plus, “use of the word ‘we’ is very important,” Bennett says. “A [depressed] person feels all alone, so it’s crucial to reinforce the idea that you’re there for them.”
Treatment with psychotherapy and/or antidepressants can help, and with time can regain a brighter perspective.
3. “Relax. It’s no big deal.”
“Truth is, depression really hurts a person’s ability to function,” says Thomas Wise, M.D., psychiatry professor at George Washington University School of Medicine in Washington, D.C.
It can seriously disrupt home, work or school life, and wreck relationships. Left untreated, depression can even lead to suicide.
If someone is seriously depressed, don’t be afraid to discuss suicide.“People often worry that asking this question will plant the idea,” Totten says.
In fact, asking just lets them know you understand the seriousness of their situation, she says. It also helps you determine if there’s imminent danger.
If they answer “yes,” reassure them that such feelings are temporary. Then call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800 -273-TALK or 800-273-8255) to speak with a crisis worker, who’ll help identify your next step.
4. “I know exactly how you feel.”
This statement sounds empathetic, but really isn’t. If you’ve never been clinically depressed, you can’t know what it feels like.
Even if you have, no two people experience this illness the same way.
“Nobody can know how anyone else feels unless they ask and listen carefully to the answer,” says Elizabeth Babcock, LCSW, a psychotherapist in McMurray, Pa.
Better to say: “Do you want to talk?”
But preface your question with a statement that lets the person know you want to understand, Babcock suggests. For example: “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.” Or, “I don’t know what it’s like to experience what you’re going through, but I’d really like to understand it better – if you want to tell me.” Or, “I’ve been depressed, too, and I can’t know what your experience is like, but I know mine was really hard.”
After you state your concern, ask questions and really listen to the answers.
“Alcohol may lessen the immediate pain of depression, but over time, it only makes the hurt worse,” Wise says.
Trying to self-medicate with alcohol or other drugs can also lead to addiction and new problems. Plus, abusing alcohol or other drugs increases the suicide risk by impairing judgment and promoting impulsive behavior.
Exercise is a proven mood-lifter, according to a 2005 University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center study. Researchers found it’s as effective as antidepressants in treating mild to moderate depression.Walking together also helps the person stay physically healthy and socially connected.
Plus, it’s good for you too, which is important. It’s easy to overlook your own health when caring for someone else.
Or pick another cardio activity your depressed loved one once enjoyed, even if they can’t get pleasure from it right now. If they’re reluctant, say it’s a favor to you. For example: “I’ve been wanting to try this yoga class. Will you come with me?”
6. “Stop feeling so sorry for yourself.”
A judgmental tone makes depressed people feel sadder.
“[They’re] already judging themselves quite harshly,” Babcock says.
If you’re critical, they’re “being abused from within and without,” he says.
Better to say: “This can happen to the best of us.” Rather than fueling misplaced self-blame, send a message that depression isn’t their fault.
This also underscores the fact that it’s a common illness striking women of every age and background. One in four U.S. women will experience serious depression at some point in her life, according to NMHIC.
The analysis by the Pew Research Center, released on Tuesday, found that from 2005 to 2009, inflation-adjusted median wealth fell 66 percent among Hispanic households and 53 percent among black households, compared with a 16 percent decline among white households.

Those declines increased the wealth gap between white and minority households to the largest since the census began collecting such data in 1984. The ratio of wealth for whites to blacks, for instance, is now roughly 20 to 1, compared to 12 to 1 in the first survey 25 years ago and 7 to 1 in 1995, when a booming economy lifted many low-income Americans into the middle class.
The wealth ratio for whites to Hispanics was 18 to 1 in 2009, also up from 7 to 1 in 1995, the Pew analysis found.
The declines from the recession left the median black household with $5,677 in wealth (assets minus debts, where assets include items like a car, a home, savings, retirement funds, etc.) and the typical Hispanic household with $6,325. White households, by comparison, had $113,149, the study found.
Sliced another way, the data from the Census Bureau’s Survey of Income and Program Participation (SIPP), showed that 35 percent of black households and 31 percent of Hispanic households had zero or negative net worth in 2009. The comparable rate for white households was 15 percent.
- The SIPP income questionnaire is considered to provide the most comprehensive snapshot of household wealth by race and ethnicity.
The Pew analysis said the housing crisis was largely to blame for the widening gulf. The median level of home equity held by Hispanic homeowners declined by half from 2005 to 2009, from $99,983 to $49,145 it found. By comparison, white homeowners saw their median equity decline from $115,364 in 2005 to $95,000 in 2009. Black homeowners’ median equity fell from $76,910 to $59,000 over the same period.
The study said the sharper decline among Hispanics happened because a large share of Hispanics live in California, Florida, Nevada and Arizona, which were among the states hardest hit by the housing crisis.
Other studies have noted that blacks and Hispanics lost so much more home equity because they were far more likely to be sold a high-cost, sub-prime loan, regardless of their credithistories. Those mortgages now have the highest foreclosure rates.
The Grio: How minority families can help bridge the wealth gap
It also noted that because whites are more heavily invested in the recovering stock market than blacks or Hispanics, the former had recovered a higher percentage of the wealth lost to the recession.
National Urban League President and CEO Marc Morial called the report a “wake-up call” that minority communities need more investment in long-term job creation.
“A paramount issue for this nation for the 21st century is to ensure the narrowing and closing of the racial wealth gap,” Morial told the Associated Press on Tuesday, a day before the National Urban League opens its annual convention in Boston. “It has deep social implications. It has deep political implications.”
In Washington, the wealth gap has been a major point of friction in talks about raising the debt ceiling and putting the nation on sounder fiscal footing. President Barack Obama and Democrats have sought a variety of ways to increase revenue, all aimed at those in the upper income bracket.
The president has proposed closing loopholes in the tax code, such as breaks for owners of private jets and for oil companies as well as higher income tax rates on wealthier individuals and families. Republicans have made resistance to any tax increases a focal point in the debate, arguing that raising taxes in a recession is an impediment to creating jobs. Neither plan currently under consideration contains any tax increases.
The former IMF chief’s advisers will have their work cut out for them, and they may have to use different approaches to handling his legal problems in the United States while trying to bolster his reputation in his native France and beyond.
This may be why the range of damage-control specialists being assembled is so diverse. People consulted or hired so far include ex-CIA spies, experienced New York criminal investigators and some of the best-connected public relations specialists in the French-speaking world.
Strauss-Kahn, who is under house arrest in New York, has denied charges of a criminal sexual act, attempted rape, sexual abuse, unlawful imprisonment and forcible touching. The case could take several months to come to court.
The Frenchman has just found a more permanent place to stay following four days in jail and several more in an apartment besieged by media hordes. A person close to Strauss-Kahn’s entourage, who asked to remain anonymous, said only now that he and his wife Anne Sinclair have finally settled in a two-story townhouse in Manhattan’s TriBeCa neighborhood are they and their lawyers able to start mapping out a defense strategy.
In Washington, the team is in the process of signing up TD International, a “strategic advisory” firm which offers both public relations and investigative services and is staffed and run by former CIA operations officers and U.S. diplomats.
In New York, according a person familiar with the arrangement, the team has hired a private investigations firm experienced in criminal cases. The firm, Guidepost Solutions, describes itself as a “full-service investigations and security consulting firm.”
In Paris, Strauss-Kahn’s team has sought counsel, at least informally, from some of his long-time personal advisers affiliated with Euro RSCG, one of France’s best-connected PR outfits. While the firm has denied it is involved, a source close to Strauss-Kahn’s entourage said at least some of the advisers who have worked with Strauss-Kahn in the past are quietly advising him again now.
Precisely what Strauss-Kahn’s defense team expects — or hopes — each of these firms to do is unclear.
SIDEBAR – Do you believe he is capable of rape? Has this one on way to long, and he
finally got caught? Should he be held accountable for his actions?
Jobless benefits will run out for 2 million people during the holiday season unless they are renewed by a Congress that’s focusing more attention on a quarrel over preserving tax cuts for people making more than $200,000 a year.
It’s looking iffy at best whether Congress will renew jobless benefits averaging $310 per week nationwide that are presently claimed by almost 5 million people who have been out of work for more than six months.
An extension of jobless benefits enacted this summer expires Dec. 1, and on Thursday, a bill to extend them for three months failed in the House.
Democrats brought the bill to the floor under fast-track rules that required a two-thirds vote to pass. Republicans opposed the legislation because they were denied a chance to attach spending cuts, so the measure fell despite winning a 258-154 majority.
In Thursday’s vote, 21 Republicans joined with Democrats in favor. Eleven moderate-to-conservative Democrats opposed the bill.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., promised to bring the measure back to the floor after Thanksgiving to try to enact an emergency measure that extend benefits at least through the holidays.





After all what him and Whitney have been through, you would have thought at her funeral, he could have shown more respect. The invitation stated Bobbie Brown plus 2 period. He enters the funeral with an entourage of 9 folks. Ok no sitting available for his group, hince can your read, invitatiion stated clearly you plus 2. And you wonder why the family is being so protected of their daughter Bobbie Kris.
Needless to say, the family has had a toxic relationship with Bobbie, because of Whitney. Let’s not forget both of them are grown, and know right from wrong. Understood since Bobbie and Whitney’s divorce he now has another child with unknown woman. Damn does that make 6 kids, and how many baby Mama’s? Bobbie this is your opportunity while out on tour, to reflect, digest, make amends for your past behavior, and move forward now. Stop the b.s. you have been spitting out lately, and be the person you can be when your not wearing your “EGO” loud and clear.
Now is the time for you to try and be a Father to Bobbie Kris if the family allows you. You have enough children to start thinking reality time, be a father, and support all. Whitney is not here to pick up your child support payments (feel me). Evidently God has given you yet another chance to correct past mistakes, I suggest you stop and think, and grow the hell up, and man up!
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