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THE SILVER SCREW
Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a bellybutton.
In its place was a silver screw.
All the doctors told his mother there was nothing they could do.
Like it or not, he was stuck with it . . . He was screwed.
All the years of growing up were real tough on him,
as all who saw the screw made fun of him.
He avoided leaving his house . . . thus, never made any friends.
One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a monk in Tibet who could get rid of the screw for him.
He was thrilled. The next day, he took all of his life’s savings and bought a ticket to Nepal.
After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant monastery.
The monk knew exactly why he had come.
The screwy guy was told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the following day when he awoke, the screw would have been removed.
The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep.
During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open window. In the mist floated a solid silver screwdriver. In just moments, the screwdriver removed the screw and disappeared out the window.
The next morning when the man awoke, he saw the silver screw laying on the pillow next to him.
Reaching down, he felt his navel, and there was no screw there! Jubilant, he leaped out of bed . . . . And his butt fell off.
The moral to this is:
‘Don’t screw around with things you don’t understand — You could lose your ass.’
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Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna’s heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, ‘Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you’re being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
‘The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he’s dead.’
Edna replied, ‘He didn’t hang himself. I put him there to dry…. How soon can I go home?’
Happy Mental Health Day!
Be prepared for an unstoppable brand of comedy, that will have you crying and talking about it for months. Our humour is unique, unquestionable, honest exploding laughter. We are the women of the future, why? Because we run this, and you know this!
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nothing to put in it.
I said to him …. . . You wear pants don’t you?
He said to me … . ……… Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said .. That’s a good idea – you stand by the stove & sink while I
sit on the sofa and drink-
He said to me. … What have you been doing with all the grocery money
I gave you?
I said to him . ….. Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
He said to me. ….. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?
I said to him … . They don’t have time.
He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet
paper?
I said to him .. .. I don’t know; it has never happened.
He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive,
caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.
He said to me..What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is
every night?
I said. . . A widow.
He said to me…. Why are married women heavier than singlewomen?
I said to him .. . .. Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge
and go to bed.
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